I Became A Mom 15 Years Ago Today
15 years ago today I got my forever name – Mom. It has been the greatest honor of my life. Yes, I became a mom a long time ago, but it seems like yesterday… and in my heart of hearts I wish it was yesterday. It’s true what they say, it goes by so fast. And unless you have littles of your own you can’t fathom how quickly it actually does go by.
15 years ago I was in the hospital waiting for the arrival of my baby. I was 22 and nervous and excited and if I’m being completely honest… I didn’t know I wanted to be a mom until I knew Jayden. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, to us, to this world.
When he chose me to be his mom it was the greatest day of my life. He has been my best friend since the day I found out I was pregnant. Only he knew the sound and vibrations of my heart. Only he could feel my every feeling… and only he got all of the pop tarts I ate while pregnant. 😉 Jayden is 15 today but so much wiser than 15. He is compassionate and kind and funny and so damn handsome. We have grown and learned from each other and still do to this day.
Being a mom is amazing but it’s also the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. I hope I’m not alone when I say that I struggle with the fact that the job I have, is to raise these boys to be men, right? To not need us. To fall in love and protect their ‘new’ family, when at the end of the day I fear those days when he goes on without me because I will miss him.
I know that winning this game of parenting is to break my own heart. Because to win is to raise them to be independent and responsible and to not need you. I have questioned if I am doing enough I have questioned that I deserve him but I know that I love him more than life itself. Yes, the past 15 years have been filled with so many ups and downs happy and sad tears. But I would do every single moment over and over again if given the chance.
Birthdays are exciting but it’s also another birthday closer to when he goes on his own in this crazy beautiful world. Enjoy each moment even the hard ones soak them all in and don’t blink.