The Bridesmaid Bill: Love, Loyalty, and a Whole Lot of Venmo Requests

There’s no doubt that getting asked to be a bridesmaid is a huge honor. But what no one tells you is that alongside the sparkly champagne toast comes a financial hangover — the kind that lasts well past the wedding. I’m currently a bridesmaid for the first time, and let me just say: that being on this side of things is an eye-opener. When I was the bride, I really tried to keep things budget-friendly for my girls. I didn’t force a bachelorette weekend in a different time zone and made peace with some people opting out of events. I saw it as a celebration, not a transaction.

But not every bride sees it that way.

Recently, the hilarious SNL sketch “Bridesmaid Cult Documentary” popped back up in my feed, and wow — it hit different this time. Quinta Brunson plays a dazed bridesmaid reflecting on how she got sucked into the madness. “It all started with a box on my doorstep,” says Heidi Gardner. “And a note with a question,” Ego Nwodim adds. Brunson’s character sighs, “I just got this feeling that it wasn’t the kind of question you could say no to.” The note? “Will you be my bridesmaid?”

Cue ominous music and endless group chats.

This mockumentary — complete with cult experts, traumatized groomsmen, and bachelorette party confessions — is, of course, satire. But it’s also painfully accurate. As James Austin Johnson deadpans, “Each year, more than 6 million women fall into this type of cult. They prey on vulnerable groups like college roommates and sisters-in-law.” And honestly? I felt seen. I’m currently juggling a link to a Canva presentation, travel plans, and polls about matching T-shirts, all while pretending the huge bill for a private chef, beach picnic set-up, boat rental, stay, and travel didn’t make me flinch.

According to The Knot, the average bachelorette party costs about $1,106 per person. If you end up attending ten (not that rare these days), that’s over $11,000. That’s a used car. That’s half a down payment. That’s... a lot of money for Instagram-worthy friendship.

Here’s the thing: I love my friend. I want her to feel celebrated. I also love a good party, themed dress code and all. But somewhere along the line, the joy of being asked to stand by someone’s side has turned into something that can feel oddly transactional. The more I say "yes," the more it starts to resemble a high-stakes subscription service.

What’s wild is how invisible all this pressure can be. No one walks around with a price tag on their head, and you truly can't assume someone’s financial situation just by how they show up. So let me say this: Check in with your people. Be kind, be private, and be real. An honest, open-ended conversation about money might not just prevent tension — it could actually make you a better friend.

Sometimes, the right move is simply saying, “I’m so honored, but I need to opt out of this part.” And that’s okay. As one wise soul once said (okay, it was an actual wedding expert. Marissa Forsyth, business development director for Junebug Weddings to USA Today), “If the outcome is going to be way more negative than positive to participate in this wedding, then you kind of owe it to yourself to be honest.” It doesn’t mean you love your friend any less — it just means you’re human.

Planning a wedding is stressful, and everyone handles it differently. Some brides go full Pinterest-board-meets-dictator mode. Others try their best to be mindful but still end up sweeping people into a whirlwind of monogrammed chaos. The best thing we can do — as bridesmaids, brides, or even just guests — is extend grace. And maybe a budget spreadsheet.

All friendships are different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all rule for what’s too much. But if we can prioritize joy over perfection and communication over assumptions, we might just survive the Bridesmaid Industrial Complex with our friendships — and bank accounts — intact.

So, will I say yes next time? Maybe. But I’ll definitely ask how many group shirts are involved first.