5 Best Restaurants That Won’t Sing ‘Happy Birthday’ (Probably)
Nothing strikes fear in the hearts of the shy more than going out to eat on their birthday. Sure, getting a meal with friends is fine. But eventually you’ll catch…
Nothing strikes fear in the hearts of the shy more than going out to eat on their birthday. Sure, getting a meal with friends is fine. But eventually you'll catch them out of the corner of your eye. The reluctant "Happy Birthday" chorus preparing to sing to you.
Your waiter. The waitress that isn't even in your section. The bus boy. Your hostess. They don't know you. They aren't great singers. They aren't even fully convinced it's actually your birthday. Deep in their mind they suspect you might be lying to get a free molten lava cake. They don't want to sing to you.
The makeshift barbershop quartet inhale... you tense up... and for the next 20 seconds you are subjected to the hell. The singers with their eyes on the clock, with the waitress being awkwardly flagged down by someone in her section to get the side of ranch they asked for but she didn't get to. You, trying to be thankful for the moment but refusing to make direct eye contact with any of them. It is beyond awkward.
As soon as the song ends, they have already forgotten your name. You are humiliated and ready to drown your sorrows in your free molten lava cake and alcohol. They are humiliated too.
Do you suffer from an aversion to having people sing 'Happy Birthday' to you?
For people without this random anxiety, it is really nothing. But for people who hate hearing the "Happy Birthday" song sang to them, it is literal torture. There is not a published "phobia" for this feeling, but we'll call it "Happybirthaphobia".
If you are one of the rare people with this disorder, fear not. We have scoured Yelp for the restaurants that are the least likely to give you this awkward scenario - whether it is pure apathy or just not their scene. Pull up a chair, put a napkin in your shirt, and feast on a songless dinner you'll love.
T-Bones
We have it on good authority (Aimee, former bartender there) that while you're bound to get a great meal at T-Bones inside Red Rock Resort and Casino, you won't get a less than great happy birthday rendition.
Kabuto-edomae Sushi
This is a tiny restaurant in a strip mall on Spring Mountain that packs a lot of flavor with, very likely, no singing. You sit down, tell them how hungry you are ("this much" or "THIS much") and the chefs will make what they want to make for you. That's it. Reservations are strongly suggested weeks out...
SkinnyFats
There's gonna be something for everyone on the menu, it's quick-service so you aren't going to have waiters coming to other than to bring the food to you, and many of their locations have some nice outdoor seating areas.
Distill A Local Bar
You just want some good food, good drinks and some big screens. Distill isn't bound to bother you. Just good vibes and (probably) no singing. Plus they have a ton of locations.
Dick's Last Resort
You don't want some monster singing to you. You want a man named "Taco" bumping and grinding into you on your birthday. That's on you. This is probably not the best idea if you're "shy", but if your only hang-up is bad singing, you'll have fun here.
