Experts Weigh In: When Is It Worth Reuniting With An Ex?
Getting back together with an ex can seem like a promising idea, but it often brings mixed results. Sometimes, rekindling an old relationship can reignite something special, but other times,…
Getting back together with an ex can seem like a promising idea, but it often brings mixed results. Sometimes, rekindling an old relationship can reignite something special, but other times, it can be a recipe for disappointment. I’ve been through this myself and can’t help but wonder why I thought revisiting an old flame was a good choice. It’s like trying on clothes from years ago and realizing they no longer fit.
Maybe if you’re the friend who’s never revisited the past, you might find yourself advising friends against it. You might point out how they’re better off moving forward rather than dusting off that outdated love story. There are several reasons why a person would think this. For example, just simply growing into completely different people or being just as mismatched as you were years ago.
What do relationship experts have to say about rekindling a relationship with an ex?
Susan Winter and Dr. Jacquie Del Rosario, who both work as relationship coaches, told PEOPLE that there are reasons why a second try at a relationship could work. Let’s take a look at some of the top reasons on their list.
Winter shared with the outlet that reconsidering a past relationship is valid when “positive changes have occurred for both partners.” She continued to use examples like addiction finally being addressed, poor communication patterns have been addressed, or therapy has been pursued in a healthy transformation.
She also notes that a breakup done "in haste" should be eligible for "reconsideration," as should a split when "one or both partners have reached a clearer understanding of themselves and can now separate the need to blame their partner for what is their personal responsibility."
According to Del Rosario, there are many reasons, however, why a reconciliation is not wise for certain couples. She explained to the outlet, "Exes should never get back together if there was abuse involved, whether it be physical, emotional or financial abuse. You don’t leave danger to return back to it."
Both experts point out that former lovers shouldn't get back together for reasons such as shared children.
While these relationship experts share how it isn’t necessarily a bad thing to get back together with an ex, some people firmly believe that you should never rekindle an old flame. In a Reddit thread someone shared that, “Once someone has broken your heart, your relationship just won’t be the same even if it renews.” Another person added that, “There’s a low chance you’ll get back together, and a low chance it will last if you do.”
