How To Deal With Narcissists (There Are Many Types)
When you think of the word “narcissist”, what do you think about? Probably an alpha male who thinks the entire world revolves around them, right? Turns out there are many flavors of narcissism and they come in people of all shapes, sizes and sexes. Sometimes you’re bound to think you’re going crazy until you realize what it is you’re dealing with has a name. So, in this article we spell out the many types there are, and most importantly how to deal with narcissists.
Buckle up. It’s a lot.
First Of All, What Kind Of Narcissist Are You Dealing With?
Yes, what kind. Depending on which source you believe, there are anywhere from 5 to 8 (or more) different “forms” of the mental disorder. From this author’s reading, here’s the types we’ve seen referenced the most.
Overt/Grandiose Narcissism
When you think of narcissism, you probably think of this. Arrogant, chest puffed out, zero care for others. Chances are you know at least a couple of these in your life. The type of person that has a sense of entitlement and self-importance that can be overbearing.
Covert Narcissism
If the overt narcissist is easy to spot, the covert narcissist is almost worse as their manipulation is sneakier and harder to spot at first. The world does revolve around them, but instead of self-importance, it is a total flip. They are defensive. They have low confidence. They cannot accept criticism.
Victim Narcissism
If a covert narcissist has a low sense of self, a victim narcissist thinks nothing is ever their fault. Ever. They’ll always play the victim card. They’ll deflect criticism back on to you. They don’t take accountability. Even when you know you’re 100% in the right with them, they will use super mind-bending powers to flip the script onto you. You’re the bad guy. They did nothing.
Antagonistic Narcissism
Kind of like “overt narcissism,” antagonistic narcissism will result in more arguing, more likelihood to take advantage of you and the like. They aren’t likely to trust you either.
Communal Narcissism
Kind of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you see this more and more lately. They are narcissists that paint themselves to be fair arbiters. The type to get indignant rage over what they find to be unfair. But the way they say they are, and the way they act, may not match up.
Malignant Narcissism
Aggressive, vindictive, angry people. The type that like seeing others fall. The type that are worried that someone else will try to make them fall.
Some traits definitely remain the same across the board, including the dreaded “gaslighting.” You end up believing that you’re going nuts because they have Jedi mind-tricked you into believing that you’re the problem.
There is obviously a lot to unpack here, and there are even sub-genres of these categories. But it goes to show the definition of “narcissism” comes in many forms. You may not realize you’re dealing with one until months or years after getting to know them. But once you know, then you can figure out how to deal with narcissists in your life.
How To Deal With Narcissists
So how do you deal with a narcissist? Just up and leave them right? Sometimes it isn’t so easy. The biggest narcissist in your life might be a boss, a parent, a sibling, a spouse or even your own child.
When it comes to how to deal with narcissists, you need to be purposeful. If this is a person that is going to be in your life for some time to come, you need to first know that you’re dealing with one, and then act accordingly.
Do Not Let Them Rile You Up
If you learn the lesson once, you learn it a million times. If you lose control of your emotions, you end up losing control of the situation. Knowing you’re dealing with a narcissist is important. Do not allow their actions, no matter how vile, to get you upset, angry or nervous. Find your center and remember what you’re dealing with.
Be Brief, Be Gone
The less you have to interact with a narcissist, the better. Don’t get into long, never-ending debates with a narcissist. That’s when the gaslighting trap is set. Keep the interactions and conversations short and sweet and know when you should exit them.
Do Not Call Them A Narcissist
As much as you want to inform them of their newfound label, don’t. It is only bound to throw gasoline on the fire and make the situation far worse. You know what they are, and that’s good enough. As long as you are empowered with that information you can act accordingly without trying to humiliate them.
Keep “Receipts”
The more you can keep your conversations “on the record,” the better. Text conversations can work out best. Not only can you be measured in your approach, but you’ll have evidence of things they have said and done in your communication with them. “I didn’t say that, you’re crazy,” all of a sudden can be verified, which at the very least will keep you from going insane.
Set Boundaries And Stick To Them
Time and time again, experts will tell you to set boundaries. Tell them what you are expecting out of your interactions, and don’t let it slide. Stand your ground, stand up for yourself, and don’t stand for anything less. If they try to cross that line, depart the situation.
Remember… It Is Not Your Fault
Dealing with a narcissist is exhausting and chances are they’ve had you questioning your role in things. You are not the reason they are a narcissist. You simply fell victim to their behavior. Know you are OK. Seek therapy. Meditate. Remember who you are, and whose behavior you are not responsible for.
There is a lot of advice out there on how to deal with narcissists. These are some of the tips that I have collected through the years. Find your way and find your sanity. Just remember you have value and you should not let the actions of others terrorize, hypnotize or goad you into never ending argument and gaslighting.
Live a healthy life. You only get one.
