Shawn’s Messy Maine Story…
Today on the show, Sammi was late, Sammi talked about a terrible first date, frankly Sammi was taking it on the chin all day. So… Shawn decided to make her feel better about her life by sharing his most embarrassing story.
It was the summer of 2002. Shawn had just graduated high school, and he had a bit of a crush on a girl five years his elder. She had just graduated college and was living 7 hours north, in Northern Maine, working as a television news anchor.
Shawn had a brilliant idea. “Hey,” said Shawn. “Maybe I should visit her in Maine.”
Shawn called her and floated the idea, and she thought it was great! She was visiting her parents back in the Boston area (where Shawn lived at the time) but would be going back to Maine the following day. “I’ll come tomorrow!,” said Shawn, overly confident and enthusiastic.
His heart aflutter, he started packing his things. A change of clothes. Check. Some CDs for the road. Check. He hopped in his 1989 Volkswagen Cabriolet Convertible wearing an adorable baby blue polo shirt and white cotton twill shorts and set off on the open road, on his way to love. Unfortunately he forgot to put that change of clothes in his car. This proved to be a terrible mistake.
A few hours into the drive, a car whizzed by at easily 100mph. Shawn called State Police and informed them of this monster, and the person on the line said “do us a favor, keep up with them and let us know what exit they get off on”. That’s right, the Maine State Police just gave Shawn permission to speed. So, speed he did. He NARCed out that driver and continued on his journey.
About half way through the trip he sees a sign for Arby’s. This was a special moment for Shawn because, while he’d seen commercials for the brand, there were none where he lived. He pulled off, bought his Market-Fresh sandwich and scarfed it down. Back on the road he went.
Now, eating that food, not to mention baking under a 95 degree summer sun, caused Shawn a bit of gas. As one does. But hey, you’re in the middle of Maine, alone in your car, in a convertible. LET IT RIP!
And rip it did.
He pooped himself. Not just a little. He was mortified. As soon as it happened, by pure luck, there was a rest area. He pulled in, waited for cars to leave, and closed the master lock to all of the men’s room stalls. He cleaned as well as he could, but it looked like a Hershey bar had melted in his shorts.
Once he hit the road again, he was on a new mission: find new shorts.
A sign for Walmart was in the distance… was it divine intervention!? No. It hadn’t been built yet. Defeated, Shawn started merging back onto the highway, and then his VW made the most disturbing sound. Engine revving, but little power going with it.
His transmission died.
With poopy pants.
With the girl he had a crush on 20 minutes behind him on the highway.
So don’t worry Sammi. Your day was bad, but at least it wasn’t that bad.
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